Person If I

My chalkboard scribbles love notes for you
My subway car cheats on a math test
My shoes watch old movies in a nursing home
My insecurity begs on the corner for spare compliments
My windows prepare a sandwich for a blind man's lunch
My bank turns itself into the authorities
My bed takes karate lessons on the weekends
My toilet moonlights as a security guard at the local mall
My clock teaches sociology at a community college
My fatigue hitchhikes to the equator
My grocery store gives candy to the neighborhood kids
(And it isn't even Halloween)
My impatience runs for town mayor
My salamander runs an illegal casino on 9th street
My judgment joins the peace corps.
My telephone is searching for its inner child
My museum has developed alzheimer's disease
My wine glass swims to jupiter
My textbook tours the world with a rock band
My filie cabinet rewrites Nordic myths in its spare time

They all take their vacation at Club You